I tried to refrain from posting anything about Balloon Boy because that was just too obvious. BUT apparently the Heene boys made a music video called “Not Pussified” that jumped to about 500,000 views as of today. They kind of sound like the Beastie Boys meet the Moffats. How can someone let their kids do this, you ask? Why not let your kids do this?! Check it out after the jump.

Garth Brooks, I mean Chris Gaines, I mean Tight Pants McTighterson announced his comeback out of retirement. Settle down, Aunt Winnefred’s gonna be okay.

Check out the article here.

Majority Whip Richard J. Durbin finally caught onto all the crack jokes and introduced a bill that will once and for all settle the differences between crack and cocaine, the Washington Post reports:

Under current law, it takes 100 times as much powdered cocaine as crack to trigger the same mandatory minimum sentence…

…Durbin’s bill would also increase the quantity of crack cocaine required to trigger a mandatory prison term, as well as stiffen penalties for large-scale drug traffickers and violent criminals.

Essentially they’re loosening the reins on crack due to the number of people incarcerated for drugs and increasing punishment for coke dealers because Durbin got a whack ass bag last week.

A reunion episode of popular Aussie variety show Hey Hey It’s Saturday featured an act dressed entirely in black face that called themselves “The Jackson Jive.” Bet they didn’t that one was going to piss anyone off.

Actually, no one was pissed off except for singer and guest judge on the show Harry Connick Jr., who gave The Jackson Jive a ‘0′ and told them that if they “turned up lookin’ like that in the United States… it’d be like Hey Hey There’s No More Show.”

Host Daryl Somers was completely oblivious, asking Connick if he could redeem them a little, “just for turning up, maybe a two or a three?” So was the stupid lady sitting next to him, who gave the act a ‘7,’ calling them “cute” with “great choreography.”

The Sydney-based hacks who called themselves a “Tribute to Michael Jackson” were actually a group of medical professionals (including a therapist, I think!). More racist Australian television and Daryl Somer’s half-assed apology to Connick after the jump.

So after a year’s hiatus, I’m back. I’m sure this website and all 10 posts were dearly missed by my eight readers.

In celebration of my highly-anticipated comeback, here’s an episode of Kablam! after the jump.

The Chicago Tribune went bankrupt today. A moment of silence for my future, please.

A school district in Carlsbad, New Mexico will hold a very important public meeting tomorrow discussing plans for pigeon control. Apparently there is an enormous problems with these birds on their campuses, as well as everywhere else in the universe. According to an article in Business Week last year, scientists  predicted that the world’s pigeon population would reach 400 million in the next ten years. Let’s see, since pigeons produce 12 kilos of poop a year in their present numbers, we’re looking at a future with a lot more white stains on our cars (if we still have cars.)

Animal rights activists make it hard to legally shoot the pests without a great reason, so I think we should either come up with good reason to get rid of pigeons or just get rid of animal rights activists.

So before I start sounding like a gun-totin’ redneck, perhaps I should point totoday’s Times Online article  for its suggestion of using the pests in place of turkey for the holidays. I mean, why not? Less hassle, and you can get ‘em fresh from your sidewalk!

They take less than half an hour and it’s more fun discovering the different flavours, making the whole process into a bit of a ceremony, accompanied by bread sauce and game chips (crisps).

Snaps for Times Online on making international pests sound like chic holiday cuisine. Check out your local Wegman’s this holiday season for your fresh, free-range “game birds” soon!

Image courtesy of daylife.com

A former executive in New York has the bright idea of passing out his resumes while wearing a sandwich board that says “Almost Homeless: Looking for employment. Very experienced operations and administration manager.” 

Paul Nawrocki, who was laid off in February, worked in the toy industry. His wife is disabled, his daughter’s tuition is at stake and he says he’s running out of money. 

Nawrocki is one of thousands losing their salaries, as companies across the nations make cuts to afford costs. If a former executive with decades of experience can’t find a job selling his pride on the streets, it doesn’t leave much hope for the soon-to-be-college-graduate typing out blog posts with a mediocre grade-point average and thousands of dollars in student loans. Where’s that call girl who got that senator in trouble? Didn’t she make almost a million dollars a year? Does she have a business card? 

Check out the CNN article of this sad man here.

33 years? I’d be crying too.

“It’s unbelievable. We’re well on our way to the worst recession of the postwar period.“–Nariman Behravesh, chief economist at IHS Global Insight in Lexington, Massachusetts. Bloomberg.

“We have recorded the largest decline in consumer confidence in our history.“–Richard T. Curtin, director of the Reuters/University of Michigan Survey of Consumers, which started its polling in the 1950s. New York Times.

“You can’t get much uglier than this. The economy has just collapsed, and has gone into a free fall” –Richard Yamarone, Argus Research in New York. BBC News.

“There are no quick or easy fixes to this crisis, which has been many years in the making, and it’s likely to get worse before it gets better.“–President-elect Barack Obama.

“Do you know the difference between a recession and a depression?

A recession is when your neighbor loses his job, and a depression is when you lose yours.”–Someone’s elderly neighbor. Radio Free Europe.

“These numbers are shocking.” –Economist Joel Naroff, president of Naroff Economics Advisors. CBS News.

“US jobless figures confirm economic meltdown.“–United Press International headline.