A few days ago, I celebrated my Airplane Day, also known by my parents as “Gotcha Day”, or the 24th anniversary of my Coming to America. Airplane Day is a few days before the start of Black History Month, of which I have a few reasons to celebrate: I like soul food, hip-hop and peanut butter, all of which are great things credited to African Americans. But there was also a time in my life when I thought I was black.
Let me explain.
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with my Korean heritage. Like most Asian Americans of my generation, I don’t identify with the widely-perceived Asian female stereotype. I’m loud, I’m cynical and I have a career in the liberal arts. I was told at a very early age that I wasn’t white and I understood that, just not the whole Asian thing.
“Does this mean I know Karate?” my five-year-old self asked my babysitter, who was kicking herself for telling me I was adopted before my parents could.
“Uh, no,” she said. “But it’s the reason why you have such pretty black hair.”
There weren’t many Asians in the public eye or anywhere in my small rural hometown, aside from Kung Fu stars, Connie Chung and that lovely Chinese couple who owned Wong’s Wok at the Logan Valley Mall food court. There weren’t any toys for Asians either. But Barbie had her black friend and American Girl had Addy. So I went with them. They had black hair and darker skin just like me, in the summer months anyway.
There weren’t any Asians in pop culture either. My first cassette tapes were Janet Jackson’s “janet.”, TLC’s “Crazy Sexy Cool” and Boyz II Men’s “II.” My favorite shows on Nickelodeon were “All That,” “My Brother and Me” and “Salute Your Shorts,” all of which had mixed-race casts of all skin colors but yellow. No sports stars, no movie stars and certainly no Asian female role models existed for kids until Disney’s Mulan, a cartoon.
My parents, who couldn’t find Asian dolls but didn’t want me to think black people were bad, went along with it. They didn’t know any Asian families and I was one of four Asian kids in my whole school.
“It wasn’t a big deal and you were happy, so whatever,” Mom said, “The only time I drew the line was when you asked me if you could change your name to Jamika (from Bebe’s Kids).”
My black phase carried on for a few years, from about kindergarten until fourth grade. I realized I was Asian when kids used to stretch out their eyes and call me “Mrs. Chan.” One kid used to prank call my house every week asking to place an order for “flied lice.” I may not share the same heritage as my black friends, but I have some idea of what it’s like to feel inferior.
I heavily resented my Asian heritage until a trip to Honolulu in junior high showed me for the first time what it was like to be a part of a majority, and how meaningless it was. I loved Korean food when I tried it for the first time in college and my two favorite football players, Troy Polamalu and Hines Ward, each have AAPI roots. President Barack Obama eventually proclaimed May as “Asian Pacific American Heritage Month.”
So happy Airplane Day and happy Black History Month. I’ll be celebrating over kim chi and sweet tea.